On a rare trip forward to the year 2093, WASDuk has revealed that the people of the future “kind of miss” being able to play video games, finding themselves nostalgic for what the people of the year 2013 call “next-gen” gaming. When asked about the XBox One and the PS4, these citizens of a future still-to-come responded with genuine affection for the consoles of their distant past. They reminisce about the time before the console wars of 2054, an event that claimed 48% of the human population and whose super-weapons blackened the sky to eternal, unceasing twilight.
“I guess what I miss most about the XBox One era is being able to actually play video games.”
Commented PlebSmokr420 from within the blocky, black confines of his XBox Corp. regulation power-armour:
“We all sort of dropped the idea of video games back in 2020, when the big gaming firms realised it was more profitable just to sell people big black boxes that they can watch TV on. After a while, we sort of forgot about video games completely, and just used the boxes to talk on Skype and tell people on twitter what we thought about The Walking Dead.”
When asked about life in the XBox New Model Army, PlebSmokr420 responded:
“It’s not so bad, really. One real downside is that I have to live inside my always-online power-armour, and it gets pretty hot in here. Sometimes when I run, it starts to smoke, so I have to sit down for a while and wait. Also, I had my genitals retracted for swearing during sex once, but I guess that was kind of my fault for not reading the updated terms and conditions of coitus.”
Exiled from the XBox compound by the ever-vigilant eye of Kinect, we then traveled across the ruins of the broken planet, aided by local PC gaming shamans, who claim to know the secrets of ‘Earth-as-it-were’, but were unwilling to comment. What followed was days of gruelling travel by the only method still available, the Segway. Eventually, we came to the Sony Haven, where the citizens, having long since left their bodies to inhabit gaseous floating orbs, awaited us.
One member of the Sony Online Community for Glorious Connectivity Network, NubKilla420, told us:
“I guess I kind of miss being able to play games, too. Life here is nice, but quite unstable. Sony Science has come on a long way since EA revolutionised mathematics by adding new numbers to cope with the demand for FIFA sequels. We share everything with each other, whether we like it or not, but sometimes one of us falls. It is a sad time for us all.”
NubKilla420 then went on to explain the strange plague, known only as ‘The Brick Death‘, which causes some of the normally childish and playful floating orbs to blink with blue light, and fizzle out.
“Each day, there will be one less of us in our The Walking Dead forum discussion, and this saddens us all. Share if you like this!”
Our team hastened to leave the Sony Haven shortly after, due to bandit attacks. It was revealed that the Haven faces constant attacks from such ruthless aggression, where supplies and content are taken mercilessly from the defenseless inhabitants.
Finally, on an isolated island, we found the green forests of Nintendiana, where the lush and verdant greenery hid a small cabal of Nintendianites, who are viewed as backwards and isolationist by the rest of the dwindling world. Their leader, FireFlower99, explained:
“It’s so lovely here! Everything is colourful all the time, and we have the controller to look after us!”
On being asked about what life was like in Nintendiana, she responded:
“It’s the best! Games were okay, but they just got in the way of the fun! Now we have the controller, we don’t even think about games anymore!”
But such grinning optimism clashed with reports that Nintendiana faces a high mortality rate, and a strict and ruthless policy of re-education.
“It’s really their own fault if people stop smiling and having fun! They needed to be told off, because they try to talk about The Walking Dead, and that sounds just plain mean! They should learn to be content with the controller and think about fun things, like fun!”
FireFlower 99 then reverently held up the controller, a hand-held device with a small spring in the centre, which she flicked back and forth in glee, before pissing herself.