Fake tension broke out at the VGX 2013 live show this week, when Pizza Hut’s former Senior Director of National Marketing Reggie Fils-Aime delivered some hollow pre-approved PR banter, and it was somehow mistaken for anything close to an actual opinion.
While showing a demo for yet another Nintendo game about talking animals in a colourful cartoon world, former Proctor and Gamble employee turned fake Nintendo friend ‘Reggie’ was asked his opinion of the PS4 and Xbox One, at which point he delivered the kind of bland, meaningless nothing-words that sounded somehow nice you’d expect from a man whose job it is to deliver bland meaningless nothing words that sound somehow nice:
“This industry loves brand new hardware and anything that’s good for the industry is good for Nintendo, so you know, they’re having a fantastic launch, kudos to them.”
Which, in reality, to can only really translate to: “I don’t care. I’m being paid to smile in front of a massive projection of Gorillas”.
However, it wasn’t until he was asked “so, you’re here to their ass?” that the truly nail-biting, yet completely fabricated drama began.
“What people recognize is that having pretty hardware is one thing, but you need games, and right now we’ve got some of the top rated games on our system, and it’s games that you can’t play anywhere else, so yeah, we’re feeling very good about where we are.”
Which loosely translates, according to our PR spin-English dictionary to: “I just want to pitch Nintendo products and leave.”
However, to all others involved, it now seems as though the entirely-fictitious gloves are off, as the internet sparks up with hot debate over hastily-spoken and content-starved marketing drivel.
An also entirely fictitious industry insider, Alex Weathercock writes:
“It clearly shows that Reggie is gearing up for a fight here, and not simply living up to his job description, which is to give off all the appearance of ‘gearing up for a fight’.”
It’s not yet known if the heat from this non-debate will be harnessed and stored in large futuristic tanks in order to power Derby for a year and a half, but in this writer’s opinion, it most certainly will.