iOS Review: Big Action Mega Fight (BAMF)

The popularity of iOS games is rising very quickly. A new set of action games, such as Undead Slayer and Injustice: Gods Among Us, have stream-lined their controls to fit both the capabilities and limitations of tablets and phones.

However, when games add ground-breaking features to consume our free time, and the secrets become common practices, then another set of cheap imitations are bound to try to get their slice of the cash-pie. So, where does the brawler Big Action Mega Fight squeeze in?

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and

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present

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What initially attracted BAMF to us was the fact that it is marketed as a throw-back to the 2D fighting games of yore. In addition, its acronym is the call-sign of Nightcrawler’s vanishing act in the X-Men comics. As a result, WASUK’s hopes were high. Some 2D fighters remain very fun and challenging. The first Double Dragon title for the NES immediately comes to mind, as does the immortal arcade gem Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

In Big Action Mega Fight (BAMF), players take on the role of Brick. Everything about him is a tribute to the street heroes of the 70’s, 80’s and early 90’s. Indeed, all you needed to enact a death wish on the mean streets back then was a bandana, a tight shirt, jeans, and a trainer of a different nationality. Brick has all those, his trainer goes by the clever pseudonym Coach, and the streets are spilling over with punks and criminals. It’s time to clean it up!

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Coach pops up at the bottom of the screen a lot. He has immortal wisdom like the reminder to “TAP TO MOVE!”

Coach also refers to Brick as “KID” even though he has a handle-bar mustache and a bright red nose from both bloodying the noses of and being bloodied by gang members. The greatest thing about Coach, who trains all BAMF warriors, is that his eyebrows could easily be mistaken for sunglasses. Coach has so much insight and foresight that his ginormous eye-hair allows him to never have to purchase sunglasses. That’s at least $5.99 in the pocket, which means a new WHAM poster from K-Mart for the Dojo of Brows, or whatever it’s called.

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A primary reason that great old-school 2D games like Double Dragon age well is that they are difficult, added elements of puzzle based challenges, and the characters could learn new moves. Similarly, BAMF offers upgrades such as the Fistnado, which turns Brick into a whirlwind of punches, but these advanced battle styles ultimately prove to be meaningless, and there are zero challenges in this game.

Before we expound upon the huge problems with this hack, peruse the picture below. It shows you 20% of all of the villains.

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Mega Fight is a huge failure, and players will immediately smell the stink of a rush job. Countless Caucasian punks step onto the screen, and their AI couldn’t match a half-mashed dung-beetle trapped in J-Lo’s ass. In short, it ain’t going nowhere.

The backgrounds of the street fights have some cookies to chat about. At one point, the Back to the Future car shows up, and the cut-scenes toss out weird facts about beards and mullets. It is kooky at first, but after gamers have finished 12 stages and 2 mini-bosses in about 10 minutes, the tolerance and patience wear out.

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Higher level AI is added to non-Caucasian punks, who make-up another 20% of the enemies you will face, but an easy pattern immediately becomes crippling. If players just tap towards a far-side of the screen and begin to swipe to punch repeatedly, then nothing can hurt your character. NOTHING!

Furthermore, the training options that allow Brick to learn Fistnado and other moves are far too powerful. Fistnado allows Brick to spin about the screen for nearly 5 seconds, he cannot be harmed during this attack, and he will instantly level waves of the uninspired punks. It is not often we hope for the bad guys we are fighting to win, but Brick is so god-like when compared to the short levels and stupid foes that using a move like Fistnado makes you feel bad.

Brick’s like Rambo fighting the Middle-East, a storm in a tea-cup, a bull in a- You get the idea. Brick is the love-child of the orgy between Chuck Norris, Charles Bronson, Keanu Reeves, and William Shattner. He. Will stop. THEM! Keanu turned out to be the mom.

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Of course, if players suffer from OCD and simply must clear the lamest iOS game out there, then real money can be used to buy stuff. Overall, BAMF is everything wrong with modern games. It uses the sleek controls from superior entries and promises throw back action, yet offers neither a single challenge nor any relevant game play whatsoever. Aside from the punks of two nationalities, chicken-bombs and two mini-bosses appear. That’s it. A total of five villains are intended to occupy your money and efforts.

Most likely, the studios behind this, Execution Labs and Double Stallion, saved up $10,000 and hired a group to make the game. They probably had hundreds of characters designed and dropped out of the online Business Management program at University of Phoenix when the economy tanked. Then, the developers they hired were like, “Your funding 5 characters only allows does,” and the rest is history.

Hopefully, players will wisely side-step this claptrap and not fund the studios. If we were to have our own time-traveling Delorean, then we’d go back to the inception point and unleash Sloth and C.H.U.D all over their asses. Ain’t no Chuck-Keanu baby gonna beat Cannibalisitc Human Underground Dwellers! That’s 80’s troof, son!

chud

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